Train Yourself - Part 2

One of the most important articles I have ever read I found in the New York Times in 2006. I have read a ton of stuff and I am serious about this being a life changing piece. It was written by Amy Sutherland and entitled, “What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage.”

Amy’s insight was that we could apply the techniques used to train animals to the training of humans. Humans are animals, so Amy’s suggestion should not be particularly surprising but it is. We want to explain, teach, argue, and nag people into behaving the way we want them to. Those techniques do not work.

Amy had this to say:

“The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don't. After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband."

"Back in Maine, I began thanking Scott if he threw one dirty shirt into the hamper. If he threw in two, I'd kiss him. Meanwhile, I would step over any soiled clothes on the floor without one sharp word, though I did sometimes kick them under the bed. But as he basked in my appreciation, the piles became smaller."

"I was using what trainers call "approximations," rewarding the small steps toward learning a whole new behavior. You can't expect a baboon to learn to flip on command in one session, just as you can't expect an American husband to begin regularly picking up his dirty socks by praising him once for picking up a single sock. With the baboon you first reward a hop, then a bigger hop, then an even bigger hop. With Scott the husband, I began to praise every small act every time: if he drove just a mile an hour slower, tossed one pair of shorts into the hamper, or was on time for anything.”

It is truly amazing how well this technique works. It can be used on friends, family and business associates. I have used it in many situations and it was so easy that I felt like I was cheating the system. In almost no time people were doing what I wanted without my explicitly telling them what to do.

The bottom line is, “Reward desired behavior; ignore undesirable behavior.” Next week I will discuss what Shamu can teach us about running.

Keep Running!